Seven months ago I began a journey of practicing mindfulness every day and we've reached day 231. Yesterday, I talked about the importance of placing trust in others. Today is a new day.
"I know my roots and I cannot forget the journey I made." - Maria SharapovaI was classically trained in piano as a child and in the last few months I've been learning more contemporary music that has a much different flow and set of patterns. Being something I'm not so used to in playing, it makes learning a slower process. The last few days I've been going back into my roots by picking up some Chopin and Debussy and it was like remembering why I grew to love piano. It helped me remember the years I spent learning and practicing to get to where I am today. It reminded me of a time where I was still a beginner learning the basics. When every goal seemed like I was reaching for the stars.
Like any marathon the beginnings of progress are often a nice and steady stride compared to the bits of progress made as you've established your strengths and are trying to push past your limits. Somewhere along the way it's like that innocent desire to learn and grow became a hurdle that stared me down and told me that I wasn't good enough. During my senior year in high school I got to a point in my playing where I thought "this is as far as I can go" and it nearly made me quit playing altogether. I ended up focusing too much on playing perfectly instead of from the heart and each mistake I'd make would feel like a hard left-hook to the face. The innocent love of playing became a duty, a job, which sucked the fun out of it. I eventually put so much pressure on myself to perform well (high school exams and the onset of college didn't help) that I ended up quitting in my senior year. I stumbled upon a wall in my path and decided to give up. This is one of my biggest regrets.
In college I felt big part of me felt missing and I realized that I still wanted to play. Having not played in years, my fingers were stiff, my skills rusty, and my overall sense of how to press the keys was terrible. I realized just how far I'd fallen and that it would take a long time before I would be back to where I was, but at the time I just wanted to play again. It was like seeing an old friend and remembering how much fun you used to have playing together.
It is in the face of adversity that we reach the line between failure and success. In walking this thin line we have to face our weakness and in facing it head-on we can overcome it. We might fall and make mistakes along the way, but that's how we grow. Toward the end of the race we're exhausted and about to collapse; but it's during this time that it's most important to push through and finish what you've started. If I throw in the towel after coming so far it's like everything leading up to that point was for nothing. Wasted time.
So long as we're alive there's always time to pick things back up and restart. There's always time to make up for the mistakes we've made. Our regrets can become our motivation to push further beyond. It's helped me to continue playing even after I moved to Japan. For a while I didn't have space for a piano, but as soon as I moved to a new apartment I remember buying one being one of my first priorities. Now that I have a piano I've been playing almost daily, even if it's for just a little bit, and I am getting back the touch that I used to have and the wall that was once there is like a distorted memory. It was never really there, it was all in my mind. All I have to do is keep playing, keep growing, and keep in mind what playing means to me.
So, although I feel ashamed for having once abandoned my path, remembering my roots helped to remind me of who I am and what I'm trying to accomplish. Like coming face-to-face with our inner child where they can ask us about their future and realizing that we changed. The disappointment in not meeting their expectations can become our resolve, our atonement, our apology, and our own forgiveness.
Peace
 |
| Are roots are a part of us and are there to remind us to stay true to ourselves and to never forget who we are. |
What are your roots? How have they shaped you?
ReplyDelete