Seven months ago I began a journey of practicing mindfulness every day and we've reached day 228. Yesterday, I talked about our intentions and its relation to good and evil. Today is a new day.
Although most people tend to think the kama sutra is solely a book of sex positions, it's actually a book about learning to love and be happy with anyone. At the time of its creation, arranged marriages were commonplace so it was something that was seen as necessary in order to make the best out of the lack of choice. Contrary to modern belief, this lack of choice actually led to many happy and fully satisfying marriages. A big part of this is the lack of choice itself.
In the modern world, we live in a time of abundance. We have an abundance of food (in first world countries anyway), resources, and men and women to choose from. When faced with more choices we tend to end up becoming more dissatisfied with our decisions. Choice studies have been done in a wide range of areas and the results are generally the same. More isn't always better. Balance is necessary.
In the case of dating, when we use apps like Tinder and OkCupid, we end up being "matched" with a plethora of choices, which, like the other studies, ends up making us overthink everything. We count our eggs before they're in the basket and with each choice we're given the back of our mind starts wondering what else we could have. We end up in a cycle of wanting more and second-guessing the choices we make because there might be something better. I'm not saying such apps and services are completely bad, as some people do meet the right people through them, but generally, every fault you see in the people you meet becomes magnified and we end up losing interest in our partners more easily because we can always move on to the next one.
When reflecting on this, I'm brought back to the philosophy of the kama sutra. With enough effort, we can learn to be with anyone. It's like family. They might drive you crazy, but you still love them because "family". The same mentality applies to love. Your partner might make you so mad sometimes, but you stay because "love". It doesn't have to be rational. Love doesn't have to.
At the same time, relationships are like a car: they need to be maintained and have work put into them if we want to keep them alive and running well. That's why many arranged marriages worked. Instead of focusing on the "ideal" partner, people just learned to make the best of the situation they were given. People change over time and these people learn how to adapt.
Of course, the arranged marriages aren't by any means perfect, but I think that the philosophy is worth noting because it encourages taking ownership of the relationship and putting effort into it so that it doesn't stagnate. That's something I think a lot of relationships lack. People just assume things will stay happy forever and when they take a turn for the worse they wanna throw in the towel.
In my eyes, true love doesn't require anything but the intent to love and our willingness to make things work no matter what. It's unconditional. Such things are written in wedding vows: "through thick and thin", "'til death do us part". It could be the girl next door or your best friend. So if you've already found someone you like or are thinking about whether you wanna date somebody, the secret to long-lasting love is commitment and learning to adapt. Nobody is perfect and nobody will ever match the ideals we create in our imagination. Unicorns don't exist. Like any commitment in life, just keep doing it.
Peace
"There's the right person, or right people, for each other. There is that order that's searching to be found but, I think, it's not as if everything is going to be automatic. So, people could really be meant for each other and it goes awry; or they could have to learn or develop and grow up together. Grow to be right together." - Whit StillmanWhen it comes to relationships, I am the kind of person that values something long-term and meaningful. Some might call me old-fashioned. Once I decide to commit to someone I am fully committed to them and am willing to work through any problems that arise. I'm of the belief that we can learn to love anyone with enough effort, which is something that stems from the teachings of the kama sutra.
Although most people tend to think the kama sutra is solely a book of sex positions, it's actually a book about learning to love and be happy with anyone. At the time of its creation, arranged marriages were commonplace so it was something that was seen as necessary in order to make the best out of the lack of choice. Contrary to modern belief, this lack of choice actually led to many happy and fully satisfying marriages. A big part of this is the lack of choice itself.
In the modern world, we live in a time of abundance. We have an abundance of food (in first world countries anyway), resources, and men and women to choose from. When faced with more choices we tend to end up becoming more dissatisfied with our decisions. Choice studies have been done in a wide range of areas and the results are generally the same. More isn't always better. Balance is necessary.
In the case of dating, when we use apps like Tinder and OkCupid, we end up being "matched" with a plethora of choices, which, like the other studies, ends up making us overthink everything. We count our eggs before they're in the basket and with each choice we're given the back of our mind starts wondering what else we could have. We end up in a cycle of wanting more and second-guessing the choices we make because there might be something better. I'm not saying such apps and services are completely bad, as some people do meet the right people through them, but generally, every fault you see in the people you meet becomes magnified and we end up losing interest in our partners more easily because we can always move on to the next one.
When reflecting on this, I'm brought back to the philosophy of the kama sutra. With enough effort, we can learn to be with anyone. It's like family. They might drive you crazy, but you still love them because "family". The same mentality applies to love. Your partner might make you so mad sometimes, but you stay because "love". It doesn't have to be rational. Love doesn't have to.
At the same time, relationships are like a car: they need to be maintained and have work put into them if we want to keep them alive and running well. That's why many arranged marriages worked. Instead of focusing on the "ideal" partner, people just learned to make the best of the situation they were given. People change over time and these people learn how to adapt.
Of course, the arranged marriages aren't by any means perfect, but I think that the philosophy is worth noting because it encourages taking ownership of the relationship and putting effort into it so that it doesn't stagnate. That's something I think a lot of relationships lack. People just assume things will stay happy forever and when they take a turn for the worse they wanna throw in the towel.
In my eyes, true love doesn't require anything but the intent to love and our willingness to make things work no matter what. It's unconditional. Such things are written in wedding vows: "through thick and thin", "'til death do us part". It could be the girl next door or your best friend. So if you've already found someone you like or are thinking about whether you wanna date somebody, the secret to long-lasting love is commitment and learning to adapt. Nobody is perfect and nobody will ever match the ideals we create in our imagination. Unicorns don't exist. Like any commitment in life, just keep doing it.
Peace
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| When they say to be yourself, it means that you 're already good enough and that all you need is to be willing to love and meet someone who feels the same way. It's simple. |
What do you think is necessary in romantic relationships? What's needed in love?
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