Yesterday, I talked about helping others on your own accord. Today is a new day.
The last few YoM's have placed a lot of emphasis on the art of giving and being selfless. However, like with anything, there needs to be a balance. One thing my grandparents told me was to be careful of being taken advantage of. It's great doing things for others, but unfortunately some people will take advantage of your kindness and leech off of you and latch on as long as you let them. Such relationships are one-sided and although it's great to help people, it also feels terrible being used and dispensed of as soon as you've "served your purpose". Continuing to "help" people who don't genuinely care about you doesn't feel good no matter how you try justifying it. It's just toxic.
The expression "what goes around comes around" refers to karma, and when most think of karma they think of "cause and effect", much like Newton's third law of thermodynamics. We are rewarded not only by what we do, but because of it. In the same way, we are also punished by what we do. It's said that we are the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with. How do you think we're affected when one of those 5 people treats you as a resource? I don't think we should expect people to reward us or show gratitude toward us for anything; however, I also don't think it's healthy to be taken for granted either. When we allow people to use us we end up suffering from it.
During my middle-school days, I hung out with some guys who would only go to a "friend" Raul's house because they wanted to jump on the trampoline. Not thinking much about the intentions behind it I tagged along because I wanted to jump on the trampoline and be with my friends. These same people would wanna hang out at my apartment during the summer so they could swim in the community pool. That's pretty much the only time they'd come over. Not thinking about it (or possibly trying to repress the possibility that I was just being used again) I let them come over because I thought that's what being a good friend meant. It came to no surprise that after suggesting we do other things instead things would come up all of the time and we'd eventually drift apart.
On the other end, living a lifestyle of always using others is also bad for the self. Allowing people to use you teaches them that they can just depend on others for everything and it prevents them from becoming truly independent. I think a lot of people who use others for their own gain tend to be very envious of anyone better off than they. It creates envy and feeds their anger & disdain.
Learning to find the right balance of give and take comes with experience. As we interact with people we come to learn who's really looking out for us and who isn't. Doing things for others is great, but it's also important to respect the self while doing it. To me, a part of self-respect is learning to no longer associate with the negative influences that would otherwise suck us dry and move on to another target.
In life we give and we receive; push - pull; yin - yang. It's all about balance.
Peace
"One who wishes to secure the good of others has already secured one's own." - ConfuciusI love my grandparents. I just came back from a day of visiting them in Tokyo and although brief I feel refreshed and like I've learned a lot. The best thing about grandparents is how they tend to selflessly look out for you. As I spent the night with them they made sure to give me a lot of sagely advice on life and their reassurance that things will work out for me. Best of all, I got to eat home-made Japanese cooking while sharing some cakes and pineapple I brought over to snack on. It was a good day.
The last few YoM's have placed a lot of emphasis on the art of giving and being selfless. However, like with anything, there needs to be a balance. One thing my grandparents told me was to be careful of being taken advantage of. It's great doing things for others, but unfortunately some people will take advantage of your kindness and leech off of you and latch on as long as you let them. Such relationships are one-sided and although it's great to help people, it also feels terrible being used and dispensed of as soon as you've "served your purpose". Continuing to "help" people who don't genuinely care about you doesn't feel good no matter how you try justifying it. It's just toxic.
The expression "what goes around comes around" refers to karma, and when most think of karma they think of "cause and effect", much like Newton's third law of thermodynamics. We are rewarded not only by what we do, but because of it. In the same way, we are also punished by what we do. It's said that we are the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with. How do you think we're affected when one of those 5 people treats you as a resource? I don't think we should expect people to reward us or show gratitude toward us for anything; however, I also don't think it's healthy to be taken for granted either. When we allow people to use us we end up suffering from it.
During my middle-school days, I hung out with some guys who would only go to a "friend" Raul's house because they wanted to jump on the trampoline. Not thinking much about the intentions behind it I tagged along because I wanted to jump on the trampoline and be with my friends. These same people would wanna hang out at my apartment during the summer so they could swim in the community pool. That's pretty much the only time they'd come over. Not thinking about it (or possibly trying to repress the possibility that I was just being used again) I let them come over because I thought that's what being a good friend meant. It came to no surprise that after suggesting we do other things instead things would come up all of the time and we'd eventually drift apart.
On the other end, living a lifestyle of always using others is also bad for the self. Allowing people to use you teaches them that they can just depend on others for everything and it prevents them from becoming truly independent. I think a lot of people who use others for their own gain tend to be very envious of anyone better off than they. It creates envy and feeds their anger & disdain.
Learning to find the right balance of give and take comes with experience. As we interact with people we come to learn who's really looking out for us and who isn't. Doing things for others is great, but it's also important to respect the self while doing it. To me, a part of self-respect is learning to no longer associate with the negative influences that would otherwise suck us dry and move on to another target.
In life we give and we receive; push - pull; yin - yang. It's all about balance.
Peace
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| It's all a balancing act |
How have you balanced giving and receiving?
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